CROTCH CONUNDRUM

I've got a doozy of a confession to make. One that will probably cause my four-year-old to stop talking to me when he gets older when he can finally read and discovers that I actually wrote about this embarrassing moment in his adorable life. The confession du jour is about my little boy and his recent propensity to grab his crotch. It started innocently enough about two weeks ago. We were out and about running errands and I noticed he kept grabbing himself down below and I asked him what the problem was.

"It's itchy down there," he replied.

"Okay, let's put some powder on and see what's going on," I instructed.

I checked him out and nothing seemed out of place, or red, or chafed for that matter, so I chalked it up to tight underpants and went out to buy him several new pairs of Sponge Bob tidy whities.

But the crotch-grabbing situation persisted and began to worsen by the day. We'd be out at Dunkin Donuts and he'd be grabbing for it. At the Gap and his hand was there again. In the house, crotch alert. And at pre-school...yup - guilty as charged.

Today everything came to a head (pun intended) when I dropped him off at school and his two teachers - who happen to have a terrific sense of humor, cornered me to share what they had been observing this past week in class.

"Mrs. Feldman, did you notice that Dylan keeps grabbing himself?"

I laughed nervously and then explained that I was basting him in medicated powder and vaseline but his hand kept wandering down under.

"Maybe he has a urinary infection," one of his teachers replied.

"No - he's not complaining when he goes to the bathroom," said the other. "I think he just likes to hold onto his crotch."

Mortified, I told the teachers that if the situation persisted that I'd take him to the doctor to check him out and make sure he doesn't have a rash or infection.

"Oh, don't worry about it," replied his teacher. "We've got a little girl in here who's grabbing herself too. The two of them will make a perfect pair."